Thursday, October 09, 2008
Enna Burning by Hale and my perspective on relationships, marriage, the bad rap some marriages made at BYU get (you know the 3 month courtships)
I liked it but enjoyed the Goose Girl more. I loved how an ordinary girl who was bored with her ordinary life found herself to become extraordinary and fell into some amazing situations. The imagery for me wasn't as good as with Goose Girl and neither was the love story. Sorry I keep comparing it with the first book. Nevertheless, it was good and a fast read.
I'm torn between Sileph and Finn. She made the right choice of course but the chemistry between Sileph and Enna was exciting, not based on true love but had potential. I was intrigued by how overprotective he was of her. I do think that Sileph loved Enna but for all the wrong reasons. He was a powerful man motivated by position, status, wealth, materialism and greed. I don't think he was a bad person just difficult and unusual. I still think it could have worked. Enna was definitely attracted to Sileph and has a special place in her heart for him but was able to see clearly finally and I am glad for her. It would be a hard thing to leave a man with the gift of people speaking, a man with power, good looks, that cared for you and made the possibility of an extraordinary future so possible.
I wonder if I favor that relationship because for Chris and I it was that love at first sight sort of thing. Actually I don't remember the first time we met unfortunately but what I'm saying is that we weren't long time friends before we started dating and having feelings for one another. Back in the day, I much preferred having an attraction first and then becoming friends. But, I do love hearing of people getting together after having been friends for a long time. I think it's easier to have a lasting, healthy relationship that way. And don't get me wrong, I don't believe Chris and my relationship was shallow. I believe it was more inspiration than anything. I truly feel that. Especially when I look at pics of myself when we were dating.....ughhh and knowing my track record for being a friend and now knowing Chris' inability to have empathy. It was for the best we didn't know each other that well. Perhaps we are a Sileph/Enna couple and am just rooting for the underdog. I'm not saying we are materialistic and in love for all the wrong reasons but more that we are unusual and difficult people, a couple of Silephs.
Some people at BYU get a bad rap because they met, courted, and married all in under 3 months and for even doing it in a year. It's easy to tease people about it for one reason or another. But, I have a different perspective on it. I honestly feel that people get inspiration in this matter and there is no need to drag it out and better not to in certain situations. I commend people who are that in tune and make good choices. (of course not all short courtships happened for the right reasons)
One major reason why we "dragged" it out as long as we did (11 months) is that I was afraid to deal with the fact that I wanted a temple marriage and I am a convert to the church creating the dilemma of not being able to have my family with me. Talk about a rough internal battle! You have no idea how hard that was for me. I felt like I needed more time but in actuality I was afraid to face what I was going to have to do and in some ways it felt like a betrayal. I had already done the unthinkable--joined some "cult," moved far away, served a mission and continued to "grow farther apart." (It wasn't that bad because we wrote back and forth on my mission, kept in contact, and I always came home during the spring/summer semesters.) But now I was going to do this. If I would have followed Chris' idea we would have been married about 4 months earlier, making it a 7 month courtship. It turned out fine and we did the best we could and it was wonderful.
I feel it a shame when people are hesitant to get married for whatever reasons but mostly because they're trying to find the perfect person, not necessarily the perfect person for them, but literally a perfect person. There won't ever be a perfect person. Get married, struggle, grow closer together through trials, get over the imperfections, and grow up. Marriage isn't easy for many and then you have life on top of that. It can be hard. But, it's a good choice.